February 14, 2010

Greetings, everyone! Happy Valentine's Day! I hope you are all having a great day and are sharing it with someone you love!

I recently received a letter from a reader in Salem who sent me a list of the top reasons why pets are better than children. I thought it was really funny, and I wanted to share some of the entries with you. I hope you enjoy them.

Pets are better than children because:

A pet eats much less than a child, and never complains about your cooking.

A pet never asks to borrow your car, never wrecks your car, and will never cause your insurance rates to go up.

A pet loves going places with you, and will never roll its eyes when you suggest an afternoon at the park.

A pet will never surprise you with undesirable piercings or obscene tattoos.

A pet is easier to train than a child, and will usually come to you or at least respond in some way when you call.

A pet doesn't demand the latest expensive fashions, and you don't have to spend gazillions of dollars on them at Christmas or on birthdays.

A pet is never embarrassed to be seen with you in public, and they like the same music you listen to.

A pet won't sass back at you when you scold them.

A pet won't run up huge phone bills by texting every living soul on the planet or spend hours on the internet, buying stuff with your credit card.

A pet doesn't embarrass you in a crowded restaurant.

A pet doesn't need expensive toys; an old tennis ball or bottle cap will do just fine.

A pet never has to be cajoled or threatened into doing homework or clean its room.

A pet loves it when your loud and crazy friends come over, and will never flounce out of the room in disgust at your jokes.

A pet doesn't demand that you buy it one of everything in the store, and then scream loud enough to be heard in the next county when you refuse.

A pet will miss you when you're at work all day, and will greet you with joy and enthusiasm when you get home.

A pet can be placed in a cage at night or when you're not home, and they won't call Child Protective Services on you.

A pet going to the veterinarian costs far less than a child going to the doctor.

A pet doesn't require that you spend hundreds of thousands of dollars on a higher education that they probably won't use anyway.

A pet won't bring home a creepy boyfriend or girlfriend that you have to be nice to, even as you cringe in horror.

A pet doesn't need to be carpooled to music lessons or soccer practice.

A pet is attentive to you when you're sick, and will love you unconditionally.

A pet will gaze at you with adoring eyes, and loves nothing better than to sit by your side or lay on your lap. Being with you is the greatest gift a pet could ever ask for.

I hope you have enjoyed this humorous look at the relationships between adults and their human and non-human children.

Your friend,
Obie